Sneak Peek

In typical hypomanic fashion, I am working on 8,000 projects simultaneously. Here is a little snippet from my book I Am Awesome at Depression (very close to being done - for real). I would love feedback as I'm still in the editing stage.

This is my golden record*. It’s a space capsule waiting to be discovered by other potential life in the universe. It’s my life and my understanding of it transcribed into 21st century human English and transmitted electronically to whoever may come across it. 

Carl Sagan's Golden Record launched in the Voyager in 1977

Upon reading it, they will either decide it's gibberish, space garbage that floated into their atmosphere, or it will pierce a tiny hole in the illusions they use to shield themselves. They will know someone out there understands them.

When I was 24, I taught French at a school for gifted kids. In most ways, they were typical gangly middle schoolers, except when they looked at me from their desks, their sincerity and open heartedness took my breath away. Like most young adults, I was still carrying fresh memories of feeling ignored, misunderstood, and powerless as a child.

As the “adult” I promised I would never waste my students’ time and I would treat them like the precious beings they were. It was my chance to remake the world into a place I wanted to live. So instead of simply drilling verb conjugations, we sat together for 45 minutes every day and read The Little Prince aloud.

There are so many eloquent truths in The Little Prince. It is a gentle introduction to mortality, a reminder of what is essential to our existence, and the many paths we can take to forget what’s really important. It helps us remember who we are and why we are. The themes from the Little Prince’s story gilded my own. They helped me map my spirit and navigate the painful process of awakening into adulthood. It couldn’t have been any other way.

While I have lived my life chronologically, my understanding of things dips into the past and back to the present reverberating like frequencies in the universe, so that’s how I’m telling the story. We all have experiences that teach us something so fundamentally true, that it feels like we are coming back to an understanding that we had at one time already, perhaps before this existence.

When we are able to put this knowing into words, we feel in our bones that it has always been true, but we are just at this moment remembering it. I call this knowing God. We are an important part of this equation. Without our blundering and recognition and verbalizing, the truth is still there, but we haven’t illuminated it.

I don’t like to think of time as a straight line anyway. Imagine a sphere with an infinite number of offset pyramids drawn inside it. Each chapter here is a point on one of the circumscribed triangles. The point of light where the triangles meets the sphere is the point at which I bounced off the edge and traveled toward my next great life lesson.

*As part of the Voyager launched in 1977, Carl Sagan included a golden record, a time capsule he believed represented the greatest of human accomplishments and spirit. 

Chapter 1


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