My Dragon Skin

This was inspired by another post I read here, written by a woman across the world whom I'm never met. We do, however, share a profound love for Kundalini yoga and meditation. I love to see how it changes and heals people if they let it.

The words skin, scales, facades, masks, and shields have come in and out of my world several times in the last few days. I'm also tidying up my autobiography for editing right now, and my anam cara suggested I take another look to see where I was adding fluff or censoring myself too much.

I lifted the veil of protection from my eyes and looked again. I carefully flipped through the pages and then tossed them to the floor like they were on fire. The gaping holes in the story were so much larger than what had been written. I cried, my heart fluttered, and all at once, I was relieved. 

Fellow creatives will understand when I say I've been wearing a hole in the floor trying to figure out what was lacking in my work. The answer was EVERYTHING.

I've been repeating to my people that I want to be very careful not to hurt anyone in the process of trying to share a beautiful, complete example of how I fell apart and put myself back together. While that's true, what I really meant was that I didn't want to hurt me in the process. 

Guess what? That's not possible. After all, the ego's job is to protect us. My ego was shielding me from my greatest fears: that my story isn't actually worth telling and that my mistakes and darkness mean I'm not worthy of love or joy. 

It will take some time for me to rework my story now, but it will be a truer depiction of how exactly my self-worth was destroyed and how I put on my dragon skin to hide who I really was. 

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