To Be List

Every once in a while I sit down with my life's "to do list" and a cup of coffee to scratch out some items, add new ones, and prioritize old ones. I already found Michael, made a few new human beings, forgave myself for a heap of old mistakes, and wrote a couple of books. 

As I'm approaching my fortieth birthday, I felt like I needed to take another look at the list. Also, one of the ways I fight chronic depression is by asking, "What's next?" and setting little goals to get there.

I flipped through all the worn pages and recalled the mental space I lived in when I wrote each of them. Looking at all the entries with fresh eyes, I realized this was more of a To Be List. Some of the common themes were:

Be Present

Be Grateful

Be Compassionate with Myself

Be a Light


And then the COOLEST thing happened. I checked off all the items and there was nothing to add. 

Don't get me wrong. I have a million things I still want to try. It's just that since my old stories and other people's hang-ups and expectations no longer weigh me down. I thought: I have accepted myself as-is. I'm happy right now. 

I don't need a list to tell me how to be anymore. I am pretty clear on my who and my why at this point. Now it's a question of what I want to with it.

Put more simply, I trust life. I trust myself to act out of compassion and my own truth without having to think too hard about it. Love is my default.





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