In my mind’s eye a long winding marble staircase appeared. I smiled as I slid my hand along the railing and ascended to the rotunda where our highest selves would meet.

I had been to this place before in meditation. Once I had met with my brother from the other side of the veil. And another time I met with my sister so we could help each other heal.

Normally someone else would be guiding me through this imagery. I had been on enough of these journeys and my wound was fresh enough that I needed to do this now, alone.

I would be meeting my mother’s spirit. She had not passed away but was so ill that she didn’t know who I was anymore.

I stepped into the circle and saw her clothed in white translucent robes, hands clasped behind her, looking out the window into the infinite light and peace.

I ran to her and hugged her. When she hugged me I felt the presence of Heavenly Parents wrapping us both in a embrace to remind us of their constant love and protection. We were wholly loved and didn’t need to fear.

I forgot that instantly though, as we tend to do. My mother and I sat on the white marble benches and I leaned forward eager to have answers, to have peace. I thought  I'd never see her eyes so clear and bright again.

“Mom, why is this happening?”

She smiled as she took my hands and said, "My work is different now. It is silent. We can’t grasp the vastness or importance of our lives in this existence.”

“I'm so afraid that you're scared and confused - that you’ll never be happy again. This seems awful and pointless. It’s hard to accept that this is who you are now.”

“Don’t be angry, Rachel. Even without perfect knowledge and understanding, you can still trust life and walk in joy.”

I hadn't even realized I was angry at God until she spoke the words. I exhaled deeply, "Thank you, Mom."

The warmth she radiated expanded ten-fold until her boundless love lit upon the peace and gratitude in my heart.

I added, “Thank you for taking on this life. Thank you for giving me life and watching me grow up.”

She left me with one request: “Love me now with acceptance and ferocious pride. Take care of your body. Guard your heart and that precious light inside you.”

And with that I found myself winding back down the stairs hearing my mother’s voice singing her wish for me:

I pressed my clasped hands to my forehead and bowed to the ground as my heart began to stitch itself back together.

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