My perfect little teachers

I have written several times about how parenting has changed me for the better here, here, and here.  I have also linked to one of my favorite writers Eilat Aviram whose work centers around growing and healing through parenthood.

This is why I say I have three teachers.  They are relentless, demanding, and also just what I need.

In the most tense moments as a mother I remember I am being given a chance to learn.  I can act from a place of balance and neutrality or I can shout and feel like a complete idiot.  (There is no in-between with me.)

My Kundalini Yoga mentor Nam Joti Kaur opened one of her recent classes with a question: "What does it mean to be a yogi?"  When a few of us fumbled some half-answers, she said, "To be a yogi is to live on the diagonal."   

Since I have bipolar disorder, this sounded like a laughable, un-achievable goal. At my worst I am all to one side or the other, either acting from: 

  • an overdeveloped Negative mind (also called the protective mind = "Ooh scary, Not gonna try that! Better cut that off right now.  Where is the chocolate?")
  • or a purely Positive Mind (Yay! Nothing can possibly go wrong here!").   

Both can be dangerous when not balanced.

Then it struck me that meditation and yoga may be my best chance at taming the two-headed beast, by developing my neutral mind and applying that to parenting.

It is easy to hear a truth and difficult to live it, to embed it deeply into your heart and mind. The Neutral Mind opens the gate to that deep remembrance of the self and soul...The Neutral Mind lives for the touch of vastness. It lets all other thoughts be without disturbance to your constant inner light." 

-from The Mind: Its Projections and Multiple Facets, 
by Yogi Bhajan, Ph.D. with Gurucharan Singh Khalsa, Ph.D.

Sounds glorious, doesn't it?

As a mother and a woman dedicated to developing my neutral mind, I wanted a spiritual name to mark this change in me.  

After a couple weeks, it arrived. My spiritual name is Sach Indra Kaur, which means "the Princess/Lioness of God whose divine consciousness is immersed in truth." I read that and cried a few quiet tears and then chuckled and thought, "Ok, I'll have to work up to that."

I will get there because I am worthy of joy, and even bliss.


  1. Your name is Beautiful!! It fits perfectly with your quote. It has been my goal to "to embed (truth) deeply into (my) heart and mind. " Truth really does set us free. And all we need to do is be open to that deep remembrance...

  2. I totally laughed out loud when I read "Ok, I'll have to work up to that." It struck me as incredibly funny, which it is, but mostly because I can totally imagine the whole scenario in my head (of you reading the name and then crying and then cracking up at yourself; you are so darling, you know). But then I thought about it a little more and realized that this has been your name ALL ALONG. I'm so glad you are coming home to it in the sense that it feels real to you. I just want you to know that your name IS YOU, and that it has ALWAYS BEEN YOU. I just love you so much.


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