Spiral Staircase

Today I was struck by a revelation that I possibly hadn't healed from an old wound after all. Something wasn't sitting right in my gut for days.  I was sad, burdened, cranky.

In talking with a close friend about it, she reminded me that we had talked about the very same thing before...twice.  (My friend is very patient.) 

She reminded me that we don't just learn lessons once -- the spiritually important ones, that is.

In fact, old patterns will repeat.  If we envision ourselves on a spiral staircase, looking at the same issue from a (hopefully) higher, more enlightened level than the last time we can process the whys and hows even more completely than the last time.

This particular problem has haunted me.  I wanted to believe it was put to rest.  Actually, it just came back around at a new time in my life when I had the chance to look at it in a different way.

This time around, I have gratitude for the experience.

I think I might even throw in a little forgiveness and understanding, too.

This new level of the spiral was painful.  I have been so incredibly happy and in love with my life.  This made the downswing seem that much larger.

The alternative is to let it fester, cover it with a bandage and hope it goes away. 

Fortunately, I don't cover anything up.  Silence is golden until it's suffocating.  Then you need to whisper it, sing it, scream it. 

Then the upswing is that much sweeter.  That is what freedom feels like.

The Opposite of Suicide

We have been in our new home for one whole year now.  We have filled the house with happiness, exciting adventures, skinned knees, 1,000 cups of coffee, new stories, and a lot of growth.

This morning we celebrated our "moving-in" anniversary with a big breakfast and telling stories about the past year.

My kids thought of the first time they played in the snow, meeting all their new friends, missing their old ones, and seeing so many family members on a regular basis.

My husband changed jobs, found a new project car, got his motorcycle running and supported me in my new ventures with humor and grace.

I have launched my public writing career, started a jewelry business, and made a commitment to myself.

I want to keep 3 things in the forefront of my mind:

In Honor of National Suicide Prevention Month-

Do you remember before you were born, when you were sitting with Heavenly Father?  He asked you if you were ready to take on this life and you valiantly agreed. 

Do you remember what it felt like to be in his presence? 

Dream of that love, greater than any you’ve ever felt, magnified to a rapturous degree.

Now turn it on yourself. 

That love is where you started and where you’ll return.  This pain won’t last forever.

See yourself as Heavenly Father would.

He would be so proud.  He would scoop you up gently in his arms and embrace your earthly body, full of pain and memories, and remind you that you are of infinite worth.

I Can't Do This!

My son had been crying for 10 minutes.  He was making a mural for his dad and it was ruined.  

He wouldn't even let me hug him.  

When there was a break in the crying I opened the door and sat down on the floor next to him.

"You want to tell me what happened?"

"It's ruined!  I can't draw the whole picture over again!  I just can't."

       (Pause for parent to plan her words carefully...)

"I understand how disappointing it is to work hard at something.  You put in so much time and effort, and then it doesn't turn out the way you want."

       (Pause again because these words are actually meant for me, 
        too.  I am feeling the impact of words that I needed to hear just as much as my son.)

       (Lump forming in my throat.)

"Right now, you have to make it work.  Use your creativity and optimism to figure it out."

       (Pause to let my son contemplate the possibilities.)

"Okay Mom, I'll just think about for a little bit."

        (Mom is being dismissed.)


I love it when I can apply things to my own situation.  

It took my son in tears to draw out the solution for both of us:  

I will remind myself to choose 
to make it work several times a day.

My original mission of sharing personal stories to help others heal and grow meshes beautifully with my new commitment to helping people remember they are worthy of joy and beauty in this life through fiction, too.