That Moment

If I imagine my days full of purpose, I can see myself as a figure holding the strings of a few dozen balloons.

Some days, I struggle needlessly to rearrange the strings.  They become tangled and I am dancing around in circles trying to right the tethers.

Other days I'm running and laughing and the balloons are bobbing along in the air behind me.  I don't even notice them.

Every once in a while, I will feel a tug and then a weight on one or several of my balloons.  It becomes a chore to carry on.  I liken this weight to the crazy expectations I gather from popular media and my balloons are things that are important to me.

I should be a glamorous, fashion-forward Sex in the City character.
I should emulate Martha Stewart's impeccable home-making.
I should inspire millions of people because Oprah does.
I should be a politically aware, responsible citizen, but also stay current with the latest Minecarft mods.
I should be a good role model for my daughter by taking care of myself and being a balanced woman.

Combined with my idealistic personality, these impossible standards just push out the finish line until I can't even see it. 

I would not put these expectations on my friends, my husband or my children, yet I measure myself against fictional or larger-than-life media moguls.

I'd like to say that I snip the string and the weight falls away, never to return.  But my exposure to t.v., books, and other human beings means I will inevitably start gathering more unrealistic goals, not noticing their presence until they start dragging me down again.

This desire to better myself is a productive and important one, but not if I feel lacking constantly.

To help me remember that I'm good enough right now, I'm going to post a picture at my desk of a couple of my best friends.

These people love me just like I am.  When I look at the picture I see their eyes shining with happiness just to be with me in that moment.

I want to see myself like that.

1 comment:

I would love to hear what you think!